From poems to songs, novels and movies, love is one of the most popular topics of art. Yet it remains a mystery to many: what is love, exactly? This article explores some of the complexities around it.
The first piece is passion, which can be experienced as a feeling of excitement and attraction that makes your cheeks flush or palms sweat when around the person you like. It’s triggered by a jumble of chemicals in your brain, including dopamine (pleasure), adrenaline (fight or flight) and norepinephrine (alertness). These chemical reactions can also be found in arousal-inducing activities, such as watching a scary movie or running on a treadmill, and can be similar to the addictive rush of drugs or alcohol.
Another piece of love is caring, which can be felt when you value the other person’s happiness and well-being as much as your own. This can be seen in romantic, familial or platonic relationships. It’s also apparent in a parent’s love for a child, or someone who gives up an organ to save their friend’s life.
Caring is a deep curiosity about the other person’s life: their hopes, dreams and experiences. This can be shown by asking thoughtful questions, actively listening and remembering details. Research shows that when people show genuine interest in others, they feel a boost in their own happiness. For example, participants who were videotaped sharing good news with a stranger, and then rated how happy they were, were able to sustain that happiness for two months.
Loving includes a desire to see the other person succeed and be a good person, which can mean motivating them toward healthier patterns of behavior. This is the sort of love that might motivate a parent or friend to stay with someone whose destructive behaviors are hard to accept. It can also be seen in a commitment to a person’s family, even when that relationship is not particularly happy or healthy.
When you find the right person, you can imagine yourself spending your whole life with them. This is a sign of real, long-term love and not just a crush or fling. It’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for in a partner, whether it’s religion, sense of humor or family values.
And if you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship, it helps to take it slowly and carefully. Share your authentic self gradually with people you trust and assess mutual trust before moving into deeper levels of intimacy. This will help avoid the stress and disappointment of unexpected misunderstandings. Ideally, you’ll be able to enjoy each other for who you are – flaws and all. –Brooke Adams BS’91 MS’12, University Marketing & Communications