Understanding Need in Relationships

The word need is a verb that means to have the want or requirement for something. It is often used in reference to basic physiological needs like food, water and shelter or social or emotional needs such as respect and love. The concept of need is of interest in many fields, including philosophy, biology, psychology, sociology, economics and politics. The academic study of need was at its zenith in the 1950s, but it receives less attention today.

In the context of relationships, need is important to understand as it is a key factor in conflict resolution and healing. For example, if someone is struggling in their relationship they may feel that their partner doesn’t validate them or treat them with care. If the person is not able to express their need for validation, it can lead to frustration and resentment. One way to resolve this issue is for the couple to work on identifying the need and finding ways to meet it.

Getting your needs met in a relationship takes a lot of mindfulness and self-awareness. It is also about establishing healthy patterns and habits that are sustainable over time. It is not always easy to figure out what your needs are, especially if you haven’t done the necessary healing and self-work in yourself. Many people learn to mask their needs and then they end up in unhealthy situations where they are unhappy and resentful.

It is important to distinguish between your needs and your wants in order to avoid confusion. Generally, you will need something if its deficiency causes a clear adverse outcome such as dysfunction or death. Wants, on the other hand, are desires or aspirations that do not lead to an adverse outcome. For instance, you may ‘want’ to have a certain lifestyle, physical features or characteristics of someone else. Usually, the distinction between need and want is fairly clear when viewed from a subjective perspective. However, in a business or organizational context, needs and wants can become blurred. This is because when a desire or aspiration becomes backed by purchasing power, it can become a demand which has the potential to escalate into an economic challenge.

The most common need is that of food, water and shelter. These are referred to as the lower, basic needs and they must be fulfilled before the higher psychological needs of safety, belonging and self-actualization can be met. The hierarchy of needs as described by psychologist Abraham Maslow is a widely accepted model. However, it is important to recognize that each individual has a unique set of needs based on their personality and circumstances. This is why a needs assessment is often completed by a trained professional. The needs assessment can include questions such as: