Love, the subject of songs, poems, books and movies, is a complex topic. While it may seem indefinable, a great deal of research aims to understand what influences people to fall in love with one another and develop passion. A combination of factors can influence a person’s chances to be loved, from the personality traits and beliefs they have to the chemicals in their brain that help them feel attracted to others and experience intense emotions like empathy, attachment and fear.
In a relationship, sex and intimacy can also affect a person’s ability to love. The hormone cortisol increases during romantic feelings and when people experience arousal in the presence of someone they are interested in. However, these effects may be diminished in a long-term relationship where there is trust.
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato suggested that loving someone might cause feelings of attraction and pleasure, but he thought it more important to view love as a set of practices that help us grow into our best selves. Today, many psychologists and social scientists believe that it’s crucial to have loving relationships in order to live a good life. They have defined ‘love’ as a bond between two people who support each other through the challenging times in life, helping them change and grow to become their most authentic selves.
Some studies suggest that the key to falling in love is a chemical reaction in the brain. When you first meet someone you’re attracted to, your brain’s reward center — the ventral tegmental area — becomes flooded with dopamine and other neurotransmitters. This is why you feel those butterflies in your stomach, your palms get sweaty and your heart races.
As you become more familiar with the person, you start to build up a stable attachment and feel a sense of loyalty. You’re committed to this person and you want them to succeed, but you don’t need the same intensity of feeling as when you were in love with them at the beginning. This type of ‘love’ can also reduce stress and depression.
Another form of love is karuna, which is compassion and mercy for the suffering of other people. It is sometimes called “elevated love” or “godly love.” This type of love can motivate you to reduce the pain and suffering of those around you, and it can even lead to sacrifice. It requires a deep sense of spirituality and is rooted in your belief system and personality traits.
Researchers have found that you are more likely to find true love if you prioritize emotional and intellectual compatibility with your partner. Focus on meaningful conversations and shared interests when meeting new people, and try to expand your social networks to increase the likelihood of finding compatible partners. You can also practice bhakti, a devotional form of love, by volunteering with your loved ones or engaging in activities that you’re passionate about.