Love has been the subject of many poets, philosophers and songwriters. And with good reason: It’s one of the most profound human experiences. Love is often a source of happiness, but also a source of pain, grief and fear. Understanding what love is and how to cultivate it can improve the quality of our lives.
Biological models of love see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst. Psychologists view it as more of a social and cultural phenomenon, shaped by hormones like oxytocin, neurotrophic factors and pheromones, as well as other complex emotions such as attachment and empathy.
For some people, love is a state of being, a way to connect with others and the universe. This type of love is often seen in religion and spiritual practices such as meditation. Others define love as a feeling or emotion, such as the experience of romance or euphoria. And yet other individuals think of love as a set of behaviors or principles, such as empathy, vulnerability and respect for self and others.
While different individuals might have slightly different definitions of love, most of us agree that it’s about caring for and helping another person. It’s about wanting the best for another, being selfless and putting the other’s needs before your own. It’s about making sacrifices when necessary to better the other and keep them safe. This is the type of love that Nicholas and Alexandra had for one another. It is the kind of love that parents have for their children. It is the love that leads someone to donate a kidney to a stranger. It is a love that has the power to heal and transform.
Happiness expert Christine Carter describes the characteristics of loving people in her book, How to Be a Happy Mom. One of the most important is that loving people don’t focus on what other people think of them. They do their best to act in line with what they value, and they treat others with kindness and respect. This kind of love is the foundation for healthy, satisfying relationships.
Love requires acceptance of who you are as a person, both the good and the bad. For example, if you’re a person with a chronic illness, happy people don’t hold their illness against themselves or expect that they will get better. They embrace it as part of who they are, and they’re not afraid to make mistakes in the process. Rather, they are grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn from those moments. That’s why it’s so important to stand in love, which is a practice that includes “enacting a set of loving values and standards, including empathy, respect, and vulnerability.”